I've never been this angry

I thought I knew myself.

I've had quite a number of outbursts this year but none matches the one that happened recently. I'm slow to anger and you've probably heard the lines of "Don't see my red eyes" or "Don't get me angry because my anger isn't something beautiful to behold".

That works for me too.

PS: This letter has been in my draft since December but today, I have the nudge to share it with you, Enjoy!

I doubt if anyone has seen my red eye before🤡 but lowkey, I'm an easygoing person who wouldn't intentionally step on people's toes and even if I do and you make me realize that I got you angry, I'll apologize to you. I'll apologize if I need to, but I won't apologize if you don't deserve it (Lmao, maybe that's one of the things I need to unlearn but that will be a story for another day)

Recently, I lost my temper.

It was like a snap, I don't think I've been that angry my entire life but I knew I grabbed the person's arm, threw the person in the chair and started screaming.

That's not something I want to be. Now that I look back at that scene, it's not something Beautiful to behold. As much as I'd like to make excuses about how the person deserved my screams and shouts and all of those displays, I should have reacted in a better way than that.

I used to sing uhmnn Victoria Orenze's song; "Cut Through Me,

Pierce Through Me,

Open Me up.

Do your surgical work in me,

till I see like you see" and ever since I started singing this song, I've seen plenty part of my self that needs to be worked on, Plenty things I need to let go of, habit and behavior that I need to drop.

I'm praying and hoping that as these parts of me are being revealed, God will help me pay attention to working on them. I'm not so much of a motivational person but I try every day to be better than I was yesterday.

So let's work on those parts together. Let's grow into better version of ourselves.

We'll talk about trauma some other time but for now, let's focus on becoming a better person.

I'd ask how your day went but I know you won't reply to my letter🫣. Eitherway, I hope you are alive and living.

Have a great week!

Yours,

Ayomide💌.